Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Give 'Em An Inch And They'll Take a Mile: The Browning of America

For years we have heard that Mexicans and Latin Americans make poor candidates to become American citizens. They don't assimilate well. They stick to their own kind, insist on speaking Spanish, and watch only Spanish language TV.
But in truth we don't have to worry whether Mexicans become good Americans, but will Americans make good Mexicans! I am referring to the Browning of America. There will be no revolution, no taking back our own country by force, or any of that stuff. It will be silent, swift and final. There is no escape. Hasta La Vista, dude.

I mean look around you. When was the last time you heard someone say: "Hasta la vista, baby", "Ain't givin' you nada, zip!" "Better get going buster, and I mean pronto!" "You gone loco or what?" How about "Viva Viagra!" (Yeah!) One Texas Tornado song says: "Hey Baby que paso? I thought I was your only Vato?" How about a little Tex-Mex music? Little Joe Y La Familia croons: "I'm just a good ol' Redneck Mexican Boy!"

It's sneaking into your food too. Carne asada? Chile Verde, Chile Colorado, Taquitos? Guacamole? Tostadas? Quesadillas? Chipotle Hamburgers? Jalapenos on your Pizza? Give me a break.

We all know that Hispanics make up nearly 50% of the U.S. population, and more in some parts of the country (and those numbers are based on those who actually open the door when the Census workers knock!). "Mama, there is a Gringo knocking on the door! Don't open it Mijo, it might be an immigration officer or a tax man!" Soon they will be a majority.
Voice messages instruct you: "For English, press 1, for Spanish press 2." Soon it will be: "For English, please stay on the line and your call will be taken in the order it was received." In some states, voters pamphlets and ballots are translated in Spanish to the ire of many. We don't even read them in English!
They fill kitchens at the best hotels, Home Town Buffet, Pollo Loco, and El Torito. They change the linens of your beds at motels, pick your crops, roof your houses and grease your cars.
Infiltration is evident in our schools; Hispanics now teach U.S. History, Spanish, and even English courses! As a college English teacher I used to joke with my students: "Things are so bad, that now Mexicans have to teach you guys how to speak English, your own language!" I had Asian immigrants that spoke and wrote better English than my native speakers. Imagine that.
I remember when Gringo teachers taught Mexicans to speak Spanish in High School and the students got an "F" in it! How messed up is that. The time has come to take your own medicine. Cinco de Mayo, Day of The Dead, Ballet Folkloricos, Mariachis, are part of the curriculum. Are you ready for English as a second language for Native English speakers? Whoa.
Hey, how about a cerveza, a Corona, Tecate, or let's have a shot of Tequila or two while we wait? If we drink too much we'll just order up a bowl of Menudo.
Taco trucks have replaced hot dog stands. White dudes in ties line up for a super burrito at lunch.
Go back where you came from? Hardly, that'll have to be Europe, my friend. How can we fight it? We can't. Just kick back and take a little siesta and it will soon be over. After all, there are worse things. We could be taken over by Martians. The whole thing is really no problema.

1 comment:

#167 Dad said...

Food for thought. I guess I'm good with all of this. After all, I have a doughter and a couple of grandkids with Hernandez for a last name. Come to think of it, the best man in my wedding was a Martinez.